Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
