You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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