a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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