We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
