And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We are all done wearing pants today
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
