Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Congratulations! We have a period
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
