their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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