Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
