This girl is more easily done than said...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
