is your mom at the bar?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
