Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Rumble strips road head = magical
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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