It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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