I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
