You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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