I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
