Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
He kissed a someone with a penis
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
