Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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