my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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