Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
