You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
No...this little piggys going to the bar
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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