i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
