I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
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