Dude my mom stole all your condoms
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
