please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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