your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
