pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Randomize
