i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
