It's Friday. Sex?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
So many bounce houses so little time
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
