we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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