That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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