I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
