i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
