I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
