I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
do herpes really smell.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
