I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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