What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
