ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
