He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
