And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
