Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It all started with a game of naked twister.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
