5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
