I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
