there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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