I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
