I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
