You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
