This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
