also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
