Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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