woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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