I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
