why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
