I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
