My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
