I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
