He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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