I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
