....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
